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My son is sick.  Sick, sick, SICK!  Isaac’s had a couple ear infections, some sniffles & coughs, but he’s got the stomach flu, and it’s bad.  Not that you really wanna read about this, but he’s filling his diapers at an alarming rate and has developed a rash that’s impossible to keep up with.   There’s been a visit to the pediatrician (early on), a phone call for more advice, a trip to the ER where they found him to be dehydrated and gave him IV fluids, a couple more phone calls to the pediatrician.  Most alarming is the mantra all the medical staff we’ve contacted: it’s just gotta run it’s course.  So it’s a waiting game, at my son’s expense. 

This is a time when I struggle to remind myself of God’s will, God’s plan, God’s timing, and while those ideas resonate in my mind, my heart is broken.  Until just a couple hours ago my prayers have been terse, spat out bitterly while Isaac cries, as I once again clean him up, irritating his skin and undoing any healing the ointment has achieved since the last diaper change – oh, 30 minutes earlier, at most.

As a parent, it is so difficult to keep an attitude of submission.  I get angry when my son suffers, indignant at the thought that it would be part of what God intends or allows.  “OK, make ME sick, not my little boy!” I think.  (I did get sick, by the way.)  I fall back on his innocence and ask God why he deserves this, forgetting that no one on this earth is innocent.  I think of my own flaws and failures and wonder in horror if I am somehow responsible for my son’s suffering, forgetting that I am responsible for His son’s suffering.

As I lay Isaac down for his afternoon nap I realized that I have not been praying properly.  My pride as Isaac’s father, his earthly protector, has gotten in the way of my communication with God.  I have failed to respect God’s wisdom and timing.  And so in a quiet moment, apart from my frustrations, I sent up a heartfelt prayer of submission, confession, an appeal for strength & patience, and Christ’s healing touch upon Isaac.  I realized that at this time, as much as Isaac needs physical healing, I need spiritual healing so that I can be his earthly protector and properly appeal to God on his behalf.

Comments

[Joe Thorn]

Chris,

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and struggles on this. I am praying for your whole family today.

Joe

[CdoubleU]

Hey man, thanks for your prayers, we can use them.
It's really a struggle for me to keep things in perspective right now. It's so easy to feel like Isaac's getting kicked around, but I'm trying to get past that and instead put my energy into persevering with proper prayer.

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